Monday, January 09, 2012

little red riding whodunit

let's see what all we have here.
nehru's gala dyed red, from the bandhgala he wore to receive edwina mountbatten, the first time around.
the lace placemat that edwina had at her table when she was serving tea to nehru, also dyed red (the placemat, not nehru).
the cushion cover from the footrest from the same, above occasion.
belt from the chowkidar at the high tea, occasion being same as above.
somewhere in there is also a genelia, not from the same occasion.
if she was going for the "tryst with destiny" look, we will have to paraphrase george w bush and say "mission not accomplished."

shut up and bounce baby bounce

ha! hrithik honly has han hextra hthumb.
i have a whole extra foot, sandal included. so what if i don't have a wrist at the end of my right hand?
at least it stopped you from focusing on my flouncy, bouncy, jouncy...face. stop staring at and expecting other bouncy thing, you perverts. at least not in front of my doesn't-know-any-better not-girlfriend.

jingle bail jingle bail

ho ho ho!
look who's under santa's beard. it's shiney as-shiny-as-the-floor-the-maid-just-cleaned ahuja.
yes, yes, we'll presume innocence until found guilty and all that. but the irony of punjabi santa going ahu-ahu-ahuja is delicious, especially one out on bail.

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Michelin mamma

Looks like Shahana's couturier interpreted the words "tube top" quite literally. At least her spare tires aren't showing. Who has Michelin's number to give to Ms. Goswami?

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Looks like Jacqueline Fernandez took  the dictum of Bollywood starlets quite literally. Someone needs to tell her that while fairy tales don't come true, neither do hairy tales.

Dear Imran

Jaane tu ya jaane na, but we have good reason to believe that Avantika is actually a Hobbit. Gollum is talking about summoning her back to Middle Earth.
Your sincerely,
A kuan-wisher.

Him? Mesh Resh Ammiya Chammiya rhymer shymer?

No, Officer. I was not, umm, irrigating the car.
What? No! I'm not pregnant.
Dekhiye, don't you know who I am? I can sing you a nose-blowing, I mean, mind-blowing song right now and prove who I am.
Officer, why are you running away? Officer! Officer!!

Life #5

Thanks to a couple of new viewers at work, it looks like Ishtardust might just twinkle again. As a cat now in its fifth life. (This was my note about Life #4.)
Here's to a much longer lease of life this time around!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

from china to chowpatty

after the comparative dud that cc2c turned out to be, akshay the dude decided to dump his designer chinese duds in chandni chowk rather than lug them all the way back to china. seems like neha dhupia was on the lookout for a bargain and ended up in the wrong place at the right time. not to waste an opportunity though, and banking on the fact that not too many would have seen akshay's outfits (not having seen the movie in the first place), neha decided to give the duds a whirl recently. could she have accessorized better? you betcha. with one of those chinese umbrella hats that would have helped her move around incognito.

recession fashion tip #6: share your wardrobe

in earlier times, maria skimped on the wardrobe budget by just turning up in used, dyed potato sacks (vide this and this). now the warsi-goretti combine has worked out a different way to beat the budget blues. maria steals arshad's rented (but never returned) tux, using some parts of it for public appearances. and the man himself makes do with his watchman's madras shirt and old jeans. hey, after all, they were attending slumdog's premiere, not the titanic's.

arise, awake and stop not till the sleeping bag is zipped up

talking of phoenixes, sush seems to have semi-woken up from her "rip-vanessa-winkle is taking a weight-gain" siesta. and lost herself some weight, part of which seems to be in the form of her, ahem, fashion marbles. how else to explain this sleeping bag she's emerged in? which, by the crumpled shape it's in, is probably also the one she emerged from, a few hours previously. the only saving grace? that perhaps the sleeping bag's from saks and not from sarojini nagar.

cat or phoenix?

the one has nine lives. the other endlessly rises from its own ashes, having gone down in flames in the first place. i'd rather think that twinkle twinkle / ishtardust never went down in flames for it to have to rise from the ashes. instead, i'll look at this as life #4 for this off-more-than-on blog of mine. which means i'll have to use my remaining lives judiciously, not going into such prolonged comas as to be mistaken for dead.

in any case, here it is, back, alive and ready to kick some serious fashion butt of our very vone bollywood celebs.

dahlings (you know who you are), welcome back.

Friday, August 24, 2007

double trouble

buy one, get one free!! on jeans, jacket, shirt! limited offer!!!
you know, mysterious things draw people together. on this occasion, it was a b.o.g.o. sale that drew jimmy and jackie together. let's eavesdrop a little, shall we?
jimmy: jackie da, you could have at least worn your eye-den-tical clothes to a different do, on a different day.
jackie: first of all, take your hand off my butt.
jimmy: sorry, jackie da. magar...
jackie: bhidu, look carefully, it's only the jeans that are from the b.o.g.o. sale we went together to. the jacket and shirt are from last year's sale. i've worn them before too (see here for proof). terey ko mamu banaya na?
jackie: aur ek baat sun le bhidu. back in the day, when i used to go to school by train, which was pulled by a steam engine, the driver used to be this dude chucking coal from the bin into the furnace to keep the thing chugging along. that bandanna i'm's authentic. it's his. i stole it when he wasn't looking and i knew i could put it to use sometime in the future. mast item, no?
jimmy: psst, jackie da, the cameraman wants our picture, i think.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

waif and watch

till now bollywood and its environs only knew of tawaifs. the new animal on the block, it seems, is a waif. i thought indians liked their women well, um, filled out. when did kate moss become the flavor du jour? and what is this uufo seeking here, pray someone tell me? it can't be food, because i can see her bumpy belly. unless there is a different cause to the bump. clearly, clothing is also not her cause. we're not debating the lack of fashion sense here, what with a potato sack wrapped casually around her neck. and if the golden chappals and balloons are any indication, she's not a social pariah either, and probably not lacking shelter. so, dusky emaciated maiden, what is it that thou seeketh?

Monday, August 20, 2007

what do you think of THIS?

if i ever saw a bad photoshop job, this has to be it. it looks like mandira's head was screwed on wrong onto someone else's body. i mean, we all know her head is screwed on wrong by just watching her cricket shows. but that's a whole different topic. what i'm intrigued by here is how this gladiator-in-red-complete-with-golden-sandals came to sit under that head. from the look on mandira's face, it looks like she's as surprised as the rest of us. maybe, as her eyebags suggest, some r & r will provide us the answer. shuteye is always a good solution when things like this assail you between the eyes.

Friday, August 17, 2007

the morning after?

maybe all that koffee has gone to his head. maybe it's the morning after the night. maybe manish malhotra had a tiff with him the previous night. maybe...oh, fish it. why am i making excuses for this hideousity (how's that for a new word, karan?) from the young mr., er, umm, ya, mr. johar? at least he seems to have all items of clothing on in the right order. italian shoes? check. pants? check. banian? check, but banian untucked? vest over untucked banian? what??? okay, okay, check. jacket? does it really matter...oh alright, check.
meanwhile in the background, we read dino morea's thought: "what a jackass! ha ha ha!!"

there's treasure everywhere

bappi: heh, heh. gold is not my only bling. i have my chins and my pot. and note the natty vest too, ki bolchi?
anupam: are these guys for real?
rakhi: see this outfit. i'm standing next to god of golden bling. and i'm actually overshadowing him, beating him at his own game. good, no!
prem: what is she pointing at? is there an anti-glare potion i can take? i'm glad i'm standing behind these walking fort knoxes. and wearing shades. i must remember not to buy them from the roadside "imported sunglasses" vendor though next time.
bappi: heh, heh.
rakhi: what do you mean "that's too much gold?" if you want bad wardrobe, see this ladies next to me.
prem: excuse me, but if you let me open my mouth, i can show you the gold filling in my dentures.
bappi: gold in the denchaars? ha, ha, ha. don't make me laugh.

party theme: outdo the outlandish

just putting bappida ups the ante quite a bit when it comes to the garishness stakes. his quintal of golden bling and two-ton chins apart, he now adds horrific jacket purchased, from the looks of it, either in chor bazaar, mumbai or chinatown, nyc ("yeh imp-hort-ad mawl hai!"). but add a bloated meghna naidu in a dyed-black potato sack and assorted uufos in sashes, and mutilated saris, you have a picture to treasure. thank you, george eastman, thank you all of the pioneers of the camera, for making this moment possible.