one for the kritical kare unit

kriti s.: mooooommmmmmm! i don't know what to wear!

k's mom: beta, kuch bhi pehen lo.

k: like what?

m: pehle to banian type kuch pehen lo.

k: done.

m: i meant andar wala. aur bas dekh lo your jeans don't have any holes in them.

k: done. and done.

when your reputation is hanging by a thread...

...you bring in the duct tape.

what? you don't know this fashion secret?
clearly, kanika kapoor did. so what if her dress was coming apart and looking like a web made by a spider with arthritis?

dhupia mein nikla na karo roop ki rani...

...gora rang kaala na padh jaaye.

arey, yeh kaise ho gaya? main toh indoors hoon.

koi baat nahi. diyar readers, this is my gift to you. see? i have even put a nice bow to it.

from left to right: the stars of heropanti, herocoati

the thing about jaggu dada is that you can be pretty sure that his answer to "what were you thinking?!" will almost always be "thinking? what is that?"

but you can hear this conversation between father and son:

jackie: ji, haan, bhidu. sochna ka kaam, sochna ki kshamta, maine yeh donon hi cheezein tiger ko kabhi sikhaaya nahi. kyonki yeh kabhi mere bus ki baat thi hi nahi. ha ha ha ha. don't 'coat' me on that. ha ha ha ha ha ha.

tiger: dad.

sofa not so good

i have a feeling somebody forgot to tell radhika this was an event to celebrate the best dressed. 
or maybe this is how the conversation went into creating her outfit.

radhika: kya yaar, i don't know what's appropriate to wear for this event.
her mother: wahaan jaake karna kya hai?
radhika: kuch khaas nahi, bas baithna hai.
mom: agar baithna hi hai to yeh lo, there's this leftover cloth from the last time i re-upholstered our sofa. isi se kuch banwa lo.
radhika: haan, yeh apte.

what the oyster left behind

that hairstyle seems to be inspired from a certain sequence from "there's something about mary."
and that's not even the worst part of kat's outfit at what was supposed to be an outing to vie to be among the most stylish in the country.

because kat seems to have visited a bath and sanitaryware outlet before she stepped onto the red carpet.

"bhaaya," i can hear her saying in an accent that is now co-opted by south delhi girls, "ek mother of pearl wash basin dikha dena. aur uske saath matching shower curtain."

curtains call

but but but i have seen shows even on broadway in new york where they get standing ovations when it's time for the curtains call. i know that they are applauding their elaborate costumes. i know you would also give bouquets to them. why are you giving me brickbats now? what do you mean there's a difference between a curtain call and curtains call?

how to cut a sari figure: parts 1 & 2

the first one, i can still try and find an explanation for.

"shilpa, you're up for a photo-up. stop whatever you're doing and wear some nice shoes and a belt or something and pose."

it's a different matter that the "whatever you're doing" that she stopped doing happened to be ghar ka poccha at that moment.

but the second one.
as the kids these days say, i cannot able to.

the sari is one of the most elegant things ever. but shilpa has managed to shetty all over it.

dear shilpa: kitaabein bahut si padhi hogi tumne, magar koi sari fashion ke baare mein padha hai?

hose line is it anyway?

jacqueline (panicky, to her wardrobe team): there's a run in my stocking! and i have to get on the red carpet now!! what do i do???

wardrobe team: not to worry. we tear it here and here and there and on the other side. now wear some stockings on your arms and we'll put some runs in there too to match. where's that bappida-sized stocking? ah, here it is. now wear this over your dress. we'll match that too. also, take the canopy from that umbrella out of its shaft. no no, we're not going to use the shaft, just the canopy. there's a proper skirt now. you're all set. go go go!

nightiemare on m street

this mukherjee might have been rani at some point, and assuredly, she never ever had all her fashion marbles assembled in one place. but this?

no, rani.
that "bachche ki jaan loge ka" look isn't going to let you off the hook.

oh, and that other, non-nightie avatar isn't helping either.
what exactly is that?
kabhi kabhi alvida keh do aise fashion ko. kyonki hamein kuch kuch hota hai--and not in a good sense, before you jump to conclusions.

yeh kaisa karisma hai?

i don't usually post pictures of the same outfit more than once, but this picture:

made me think of this:

we all owe an apology to bappi da

wallahi, waluscha,
before you or anyone else calls him a luccha
be aware: it looks like you have sold
all your possessions for this drape of gold.

you might think what bappi da wears is tawdry
but let me tell you, you are no audrey
(hepburn, in case you were wondering) either
because that lahiri is the original goldie haaaaw'n, in any weather.

no thanks giving for this turkey

i had assumed until now that deepika could do no wrong, at least when it comes to her sense of style.
clearly, i was wrong.

that turkey around her neck now.
there's an eloquent millennial phrase that best describes it, i think:
facepalm.

why did the zebra cross the arora?

imma like a diva
imma like a fisha
imma like a mermaida
imma like a zebra
imma like a difimerbra.

you think that doesn't make any sense?
i think the same thing about what she's wearing.

as to why the zebra crossed the arora, here's the answer:
because it khan.

weed didn't start the fire

dude, ranbir, we know you're not having much success with your movies (and your dad is yelling at your producers and directors for it) for a few years now.

but that doesn't mean you have to take up gardening.
and even if you did, you didn't need to make it so obvious, with that cap.
and the boots.
and the distressed look on your face. and your jeans.
we know there's nothing more you'd like at this point than a joint or four...we mean...a hit or four...we mean...you know what we mean.

koffee, and cupcakes, and streamers, and confetti, with karan

i guess it kinda suits him, this candy floss confetti glued on to his suit look, i mean.
after all, he is the creator of the candy floss and chocolate hero genre in india.
those shoes though...

folding instructions: not included

even if she doesn't demolish the red carpet, alia usually pulls of most of her looks spectacularly.
over here though, it looks like her designer decided to try an origami frog with the curtains from the green room, got distracted by her eye make-up and abandoned the whole thing half way. 

ganapati bappi, more ya!

what has been said about bappi da's blinginess that hasn't been said before?
this blog has always been a fan of his since time immemorial.
this blog can never have enough of bappi da.
and as long as there is bappi da, there will never be a shortage of bling on this blog.

more ya, re, bappi, more ya, re!

who shot the shroff...i mean...sheriff?

i'm a straight shooter. there are a lot of people who can shoot from the hip. and i've got the holsters ready for them.
but how many people hip people can shoot in the first place? i'm the only one.
and you know what else i'm ready for? to take potshots.
i've got the pot. i call the shots. what do you have?

yeh bandana, this jaggu dada never fails to liven things up.

one flew over a butterfly's nest...

...to unravel a thousand unused rakhis after a poor raksha bandhan sale and be reborn as karisma's dress.

k.k: holla, wait up a sec. that is not...ok, fine, maybe it is what you're saying it is.

a.a.: huh? butterflies? on my dress?

the jury is still out on who is looking more cuckoo.

k.k.: me, me, pick me!