i used to have a crochet on lara...

...but then she went knitted herself a new look with it.
although my sources tell me that she merely took her grandma's table mats and stuck them back and front. considering her husband turned out in jeans for arguably the industry's most paparazzi-friendly event, she figured she wasn't going to try too hard, i guess.

table for one

neha dhupia seems to be all set for the after-party dinner.
table cloth: already wrapped around waist.
lace runner: dude, are you bling or something?

i guess if she's going to use both those things after, it's safe to say it's going to be dinner for one.

self hi maine le li aaj

sometimes it takes a critic (i'm not dignifying myself with that title) to take down what stars try to pass off as couture.

sometimes--like with kalki and her camera-printed night suit here--woh khud hi apni le lete hai.

aaaaaaaaaaa! chic nahi banaya

himesh reshammiya has answered that age-old question:
what do you do with all the badges you ever collected from school onwards? why, put it on your jacket, of course.

that, along with torn jeans and silver sneakers means, dear himesh, that nobody is going to want to sing jhalak dikhla ja to you. 

bhat ya? bhat kinda fashion tamannaah is this?

some people desire to get on to the red carpet in a dream lbd.
others desire to be draped by a designer of their dreams in the most stunning gown ever.
but it takes a special kind of tamannaah to want to buy a sequin curtain from the sarojini nagar market and turn that into your red carpet skirt.

ivy league fashion

i can't quite put my finger on what it is with this outfit.
is it that sonam is wearing a gauze curtain cloth?
or that she looks more wax than model?
maybe it's...ya, i think, it's the fact that she likes a trellis window with ivy growing all over her that's creeping me out a just a little bit.

fitted for the occasion

what do you do when you have a photo-op for an event that's about being the best dressed but all you have is gladiator shoes and ... fitted sheets?

we've all been there.
we open the wardrobe and we can hear the wail welling up: "i have nothing to wear!"

well, folks, you need to stop being whiny and be resourceful like richa chadha.

first you take one site of the fitted sheet and make one layer. then you take the other side and then the third. you don't even need the fourth side.

and, voila.

imported from lajpat nagar

i think adah sharma is an escaped mannequin from home saaz in lajpat nagar / delhi.

i know what you're thinking.
"it's possible that she's wearing a curtain but even someone like her can't be wearing a pink curtain, can she?"

you don't know delhi people's tastes (i know that's a strong word), do you?

but i'm glad you at least didn't question why a home furnishing store would have mannequins draped in rugs and curtains. in case you still need proof of that (beyond adah sharma's picture above), this is from home saaz's website (incidentally, their slogan is "satisfying the soul..."):

karan tackier

who the heck is that, you're probably asking, and why is he even featured here (or maybe you're not asking that).

karan tacker is one of those now-you-see-him now-you-don't kind of television actors.
and true to form, he's trying his hardest to become an optical illusion here. and while doing so, he's working the "tackier" into his name quite efficiently.

all in all, we're probably better off when he's in his now-you-don't-see-me mode.

origami carpet

main hoon gupta rani
badi sayani.
but even i am puzzled
as to what i've rustled
to wear on the green carpet
it looks to me like it's a carpet
although you might think it's origami.
batao, is mein to kuch nahi hai na kami?

one for the kritical kare unit

kriti s.: mooooommmmmmm! i don't know what to wear!

k's mom: beta, kuch bhi pehen lo.

k: like what?

m: pehle to banian type kuch pehen lo.

k: done.

m: i meant andar wala. aur bas dekh lo your jeans don't have any holes in them.

k: done. and done.

when your reputation is hanging by a thread...

...you bring in the duct tape.

what? you don't know this fashion secret?
clearly, kanika kapoor did. so what if her dress was coming apart and looking like a web made by a spider with arthritis?

dhupia mein nikla na karo roop ki rani...

...gora rang kaala na padh jaaye.

arey, yeh kaise ho gaya? main toh indoors hoon.

koi baat nahi. diyar readers, this is my gift to you. see? i have even put a nice bow to it.

from left to right: the stars of heropanti, herocoati

the thing about jaggu dada is that you can be pretty sure that his answer to "what were you thinking?!" will almost always be "thinking? what is that?"

but you can hear this conversation between father and son:

jackie: ji, haan, bhidu. sochna ka kaam, sochna ki kshamta, maine yeh donon hi cheezein tiger ko kabhi sikhaaya nahi. kyonki yeh kabhi mere bus ki baat thi hi nahi. ha ha ha ha. don't 'coat' me on that. ha ha ha ha ha ha.

tiger: dad.

sofa not so good

i have a feeling somebody forgot to tell radhika this was an event to celebrate the best dressed. 
or maybe this is how the conversation went into creating her outfit.

radhika: kya yaar, i don't know what's appropriate to wear for this event.
her mother: wahaan jaake karna kya hai?
radhika: kuch khaas nahi, bas baithna hai.
mom: agar baithna hi hai to yeh lo, there's this leftover cloth from the last time i re-upholstered our sofa. isi se kuch banwa lo.
radhika: haan, yeh apte.

what the oyster left behind

that hairstyle seems to be inspired from a certain sequence from "there's something about mary."
and that's not even the worst part of kat's outfit at what was supposed to be an outing to vie to be among the most stylish in the country.

because kat seems to have visited a bath and sanitaryware outlet before she stepped onto the red carpet.

"bhaaya," i can hear her saying in an accent that is now co-opted by south delhi girls, "ek mother of pearl wash basin dikha dena. aur uske saath matching shower curtain."

curtains call

but but but i have seen shows even on broadway in new york where they get standing ovations when it's time for the curtains call. i know that they are applauding their elaborate costumes. i know you would also give bouquets to them. why are you giving me brickbats now? what do you mean there's a difference between a curtain call and curtains call?

how to cut a sari figure: parts 1 & 2

the first one, i can still try and find an explanation for.

"shilpa, you're up for a photo-up. stop whatever you're doing and wear some nice shoes and a belt or something and pose."

it's a different matter that the "whatever you're doing" that she stopped doing happened to be ghar ka poccha at that moment.

but the second one.
as the kids these days say, i cannot able to.

the sari is one of the most elegant things ever. but shilpa has managed to shetty all over it.

dear shilpa: kitaabein bahut si padhi hogi tumne, magar koi sari fashion ke baare mein padha hai?

hose line is it anyway?

jacqueline (panicky, to her wardrobe team): there's a run in my stocking! and i have to get on the red carpet now!! what do i do???

wardrobe team: not to worry. we tear it here and here and there and on the other side. now wear some stockings on your arms and we'll put some runs in there too to match. where's that bappida-sized stocking? ah, here it is. now wear this over your dress. we'll match that too. also, take the canopy from that umbrella out of its shaft. no no, we're not going to use the shaft, just the canopy. there's a proper skirt now. you're all set. go go go!

nightiemare on m street

this mukherjee might have been rani at some point, and assuredly, she never ever had all her fashion marbles assembled in one place. but this?

no, rani.
that "bachche ki jaan loge ka" look isn't going to let you off the hook.

oh, and that other, non-nightie avatar isn't helping either.
what exactly is that?
kabhi kabhi alvida keh do aise fashion ko. kyonki hamein kuch kuch hota hai--and not in a good sense, before you jump to conclusions.

yeh kaisa karisma hai?

i don't usually post pictures of the same outfit more than once, but this picture:

made me think of this:

we all owe an apology to bappi da

wallahi, waluscha,
before you or anyone else calls him a luccha
be aware: it looks like you have sold
all your possessions for this drape of gold.

you might think what bappi da wears is tawdry
but let me tell you, you are no audrey
(hepburn, in case you were wondering) either
because that lahiri is the original goldie haaaaw'n, in any weather.

no thanks giving for this turkey

i had assumed until now that deepika could do no wrong, at least when it comes to her sense of style.
clearly, i was wrong.

that turkey around her neck now.
there's an eloquent millennial phrase that best describes it, i think:
facepalm.