Friday, August 24, 2007

double trouble

buy one, get one free!! on jeans, jacket, shirt! limited offer!!!
you know, mysterious things draw people together. on this occasion, it was a b.o.g.o. sale that drew jimmy and jackie together. let's eavesdrop a little, shall we?
jimmy: jackie da, you could have at least worn your eye-den-tical clothes to a different do, on a different day.
jackie: first of all, take your hand off my butt.
jimmy: sorry, jackie da. magar...
jackie: bhidu, look carefully, it's only the jeans that are from the b.o.g.o. sale we went together to. the jacket and shirt are from last year's sale. i've worn them before too (see here for proof). terey ko mamu banaya na?
jackie: aur ek baat sun le bhidu. back in the day, when i used to go to school by train, which was pulled by a steam engine, the driver used to be this dude chucking coal from the bin into the furnace to keep the thing chugging along. that bandanna i'm's authentic. it's his. i stole it when he wasn't looking and i knew i could put it to use sometime in the future. mast item, no?
jimmy: psst, jackie da, the cameraman wants our picture, i think.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

waif and watch

till now bollywood and its environs only knew of tawaifs. the new animal on the block, it seems, is a waif. i thought indians liked their women well, um, filled out. when did kate moss become the flavor du jour? and what is this uufo seeking here, pray someone tell me? it can't be food, because i can see her bumpy belly. unless there is a different cause to the bump. clearly, clothing is also not her cause. we're not debating the lack of fashion sense here, what with a potato sack wrapped casually around her neck. and if the golden chappals and balloons are any indication, she's not a social pariah either, and probably not lacking shelter. so, dusky emaciated maiden, what is it that thou seeketh?

Monday, August 20, 2007

what do you think of THIS?

if i ever saw a bad photoshop job, this has to be it. it looks like mandira's head was screwed on wrong onto someone else's body. i mean, we all know her head is screwed on wrong by just watching her cricket shows. but that's a whole different topic. what i'm intrigued by here is how this gladiator-in-red-complete-with-golden-sandals came to sit under that head. from the look on mandira's face, it looks like she's as surprised as the rest of us. maybe, as her eyebags suggest, some r & r will provide us the answer. shuteye is always a good solution when things like this assail you between the eyes.

Friday, August 17, 2007

the morning after?

maybe all that koffee has gone to his head. maybe it's the morning after the night. maybe manish malhotra had a tiff with him the previous night. maybe...oh, fish it. why am i making excuses for this hideousity (how's that for a new word, karan?) from the young mr., er, umm, ya, mr. johar? at least he seems to have all items of clothing on in the right order. italian shoes? check. pants? check. banian? check, but banian untucked? vest over untucked banian? what??? okay, okay, check. jacket? does it really matter...oh alright, check.
meanwhile in the background, we read dino morea's thought: "what a jackass! ha ha ha!!"

there's treasure everywhere

bappi: heh, heh. gold is not my only bling. i have my chins and my pot. and note the natty vest too, ki bolchi?
anupam: are these guys for real?
rakhi: see this outfit. i'm standing next to god of golden bling. and i'm actually overshadowing him, beating him at his own game. good, no!
prem: what is she pointing at? is there an anti-glare potion i can take? i'm glad i'm standing behind these walking fort knoxes. and wearing shades. i must remember not to buy them from the roadside "imported sunglasses" vendor though next time.
bappi: heh, heh.
rakhi: what do you mean "that's too much gold?" if you want bad wardrobe, see this ladies next to me.
prem: excuse me, but if you let me open my mouth, i can show you the gold filling in my dentures.
bappi: gold in the denchaars? ha, ha, ha. don't make me laugh.

party theme: outdo the outlandish

just putting bappida ups the ante quite a bit when it comes to the garishness stakes. his quintal of golden bling and two-ton chins apart, he now adds horrific jacket purchased, from the looks of it, either in chor bazaar, mumbai or chinatown, nyc ("yeh imp-hort-ad mawl hai!"). but add a bloated meghna naidu in a dyed-black potato sack and assorted uufos in sashes, and mutilated saris, you have a picture to treasure. thank you, george eastman, thank you all of the pioneers of the camera, for making this moment possible.