Saturday, November 26, 2005

fashion tip: don't ask a sippy

a few days back, we'd seen rohan sippy parading his (lack of) fashionability. turns out it might not be his fault at all, and he gets his couture sense from his dad (featured above) and his walking zari factory companion, a.k.a. kiran joneja sippy. what possessed her to show off her ... umm... shall we just say resemblance to a creamy barrel draped in a tube of gold foil?
here's an idea for any good samaritan fashion designers in india: do some pro bono work. form a society for prevention of cruelty to the paying public. stop such fashion disasters before they can actually happen. provide some good free advice.
then again, how would i get fodder for ishtardust otherwise?

Taj Mahal: One more attempt at reviving sagging careers

the two leading ladies from akbar khan's new movie have one thing in common, apart from being in the movie itself. their careers have been on life support for a while now, and they were hoping this would provide them a shot in the arm. unfortunately, there are some natural obstacles to such a miracle: a smile that could well encircle the taj (pooja batra), and a face that looks like it just received special treatment from bee stings and wasps (kim sharma). as for the french flag draped around pooja, and the diaphanous silkworm trap that's wrapped around kim, the less said the better.
p.s. can someone confirm that the silkworm trap on the right is indeed kim? i don't if it's the bee stings or what, but i am not able to say for sure if that's who it is.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

where do ex b-starlets go when they become ex-?

anybody remember who this is? does the name sheeba ring a bell? or awaken any painful nightmares? i was originally going to say so this is what happens to b-starlets, but maybe this is why things happen to b-starlets. sheeba looks like she's just awakened from a refreshing rip van winkle-sized siesta with vampires. what's next? a mahurat shot with dracula?

eighty plus, and still losing it

it gives me pain to be disrespectful to the elderly, but wouldn't it be nice if the elderly--like this particular fossil-in-the-making pictured here--would pause for a moment to stop and consider how much pain they cause merely by dressing up and appearing in public like this?

madame tussaud's--2

hot on the heels of kareena...wait, couldn't have been hot, or she would have melted. anyways, darlings, right behind the new bebo wax doll unveiled at tussaud's comes one of bips. you have to admire the handiwork of the artist, whoever it was that did this. look at the hairline where the forehead ends--you can see how carefully he or she's placed the wig. and the eyelashes, they're so fake, they almost look real. as for the shiny cheeks and the perfect little bags under her eyes, even the real bips couldn't have emulated them in real life as neatly after a night out on the town with john. don't you think?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

no vacancy at madame tussaud's

y'all know how madame tussaud's been getting more and more crowded these days (case in point: kareena making her entry there as pointed out previously on this blog). well, apparently ash's wax replica decided it didn't want to stay there anymore when it was not just the world's most beautiful people housed in it. and walked straight into zayed khan's wedding . if you ask me, she resembles a nightmare more than a vision here, and a nightmare that just sleepwalked into the party too. wake up and smell the roses, ash, before it's too late!

"brum brum maadu"

in southern india, you'll see these colorful street "musicians" playing their nadaswaram, leading a very colorful cow or bull. "brum brum" is symbolic of the sound the nadaswaram produces, and "maadu" = cow / bull, hence the name brum brum maadu. the bull's "clothing" is a patchwork quilt of scrap pieces of cloth that its owner collects as alms as he wanders around, playing his music and collecting his livelihood in return for being told to go away. here's my question: did ayesha takia steal her ensemble from a brum brum maadu. if not, how long did it take and how many houses was she driven away from before she collected this patchwork quilt? because, obviously, this could not be the handiwork of any reasonably endowed designer, could it?

new at madame tussaud's--1

i've heard of plastic smiles, but to make your whole body appear as if it's made of wax? now that takes special talent, don't you think? as for her hair, hopefully bebo washed it in the recent past, because to me what it resembles is pepe le pew's bushy tail than a starlet's coiffure.

Friday, November 18, 2005

main hoon na?

now you see her, now you don't. seems like the look that amrita rao is going for here is what's ordinarily called an optical illusion. perhaps she thinks that if you look at her from a certain angle, this fashion disaster that's draping her will go away. somebody should tell her that geometric shapes are better left in high school, and there are certain other...shapes that she needs to accentuate, and with something that bears closer resemblance to a dress.

the mask of sorrow

identify the person in this picture:
(a) the phantom of the opera
(b) the phantom
(c) the little girl from The Ring, grown up
(d) former Ms. World, Aishwarya Rai

Okay, I've heard of actors making sacrifices for their art, but nowhere does it say that you must be turned into a sacrificial goat at the altar of avant garde photography. does it, ash?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

tum kis liye paida huay ho?

can he say "hai dance mere lahu ki ravaani mein?"
can he say "say deeeeeeeeeeeee?"
can he prove a worthy son?
if his dress sense is any indication, mimoh chakraborty, son of the vone and vonly mithun has a long way to go.

jimmy jimmy aaja aaja

maybe he couldn't inherit his father's charisma and ishtyle, but couldn't he at least afford a haircut and decent shirt?

oh, where have you gone when we need you most, jimmy?

Sunday, November 13, 2005


what's wrong with this picture? let me count the ways.
just because you're the new beauty soap queen doesn't mean you can have waxed, arched eyebrows. or wear a hoop. or shave so closely that it looks like you've waxed your face. oh, and beauty queens in the bathtub don't use a piece of charcoal for a bindi. and the clothes--i'm glad this is not a full-length that would ahve shown off that montrosity in all its ingloriousness.

shahrukh, we know kuch kuch hota hai sometimes, but these days it seems to be more of kabhi gham than kabhi khushi.

Friday, November 11, 2005

identical twins?

look closely. if you took the facial hair off one and lipstick off the other, those facial features begin to look very similar. and then start moving downwards. both of them are wearing positively dowdy clothes. one's used dishcloth for his trousers while other seems to have draped the tablecloth over a pair of jeans. and note the embarrassed "heh, heh" kind of half-smile, half-groan emanating from both of them. i mean, i've heard of couples starting to look like each other as they grow older together, but shekhar and suchitra seem to have it down to a ridiculous science, emphasis added.

one flew over the turkey's nest

so this thanksgiving turkey thought it was escaping a harrowing time this year by migrating to bollywood. little did it know that its appointment with yama had already been fixed. as if mere death was not enough, some humiliation was also added to its fate. oh yes, it had the small satisfaction of walking all over mahima chaudhry (proof: the pawprints on her chest, neck and lips), but ultimately, it was plucked, and dressed. what is even more unfortunate is that mahima misunderstood the meaning of the word dressed in this context: somebody ought to tell her that it actually means undressed. and also that painted turkey feathers and footprints don't count as a "dress."

Thursday, November 10, 2005

ode to sequins

you know by now that i have no qualms about calling a spade a spade. in the same vein, i can appreciate a good thing when i see it. oh you all may not agree with me, but i think sush looks quite gorgeous here. it's partly the smile, partly the absence of any traces of jackie chan's cosmetician, and partly that sequined top. there is that certain je ne se quois about her here that's making her glow. and making me glow about her. quick, somebody pinch me.

not Page 3 material

the last i remember seeing soni razdan was in the movie page 3. i don't remember her trying to get into ISKCON then. is she chummy with uma bharti these days? what's with the saffron and the tilak? and that hair! could she not find a few hours to make it look less like the end of an elephant's tail after it's been through a mud bath? here's a news flash, soni: if you continue to look like this, you're not going to make it to page 3 any longer, if you ever did.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

rohan sippy: never come in front of the camera

there's a reason directors/producers are always behind the camera, not in front of it. it's the same reason you never see their sons in front of cameras either. case in point: rohan sippy (above), s/o ramesh sippy. yes, the ramesh "sholay" sippy. he graduated from stanford and spent a year in nyc, but apparently none of the fashion sense of those places rubbed off on him. take for e.g. the walrus mustache. it's called that because it looks much better on walruses. and then that shirt. did he steal it off govinda's back while the latter was shooting something with karishma in 1991?

Thursday, November 03, 2005

kal talcum powder ho na ho

I want to find out the name of the make-up artist who's doing the rounds these days for all our stars, including, as you can see, King Khan. there are three possible explanations for the pasty white face: (1) you put on "south indian" make-up (= talcum powder up to the adam's apple) (2) you shaved on a cold wintry morning but forgot to apply aftershave (3) you're a part of a cricket team that insists on looking like a clown whether you play in visakhapatnam or johannesburg. since i know for sure #3 is not the case with SRK, i wish he'd tell us which of the other two reasons applies to him.