why did the zebra cross the arora?

imma like a diva
imma like a fisha
imma like a mermaida
imma like a zebra
imma like a difimerbra.

you think that doesn't make any sense?
i think the same thing about what she's wearing.

as to why the zebra crossed the arora, here's the answer:
because it khan.

weed didn't start the fire

dude, ranbir, we know you're not having much success with your movies (and your dad is yelling at your producers and directors for it) for a few years now.

but that doesn't mean you have to take up gardening.
and even if you did, you didn't need to make it so obvious, with that cap.
and the boots.
and the distressed look on your face. and your jeans.
we know there's nothing more you'd like at this point than a joint or four...we mean...a hit or four...we mean...you know what we mean.

koffee, and cupcakes, and streamers, and confetti, with karan

i guess it kinda suits him, this candy floss confetti glued on to his suit look, i mean.
after all, he is the creator of the candy floss and chocolate hero genre in india.
those shoes though...

folding instructions: not included

even if she doesn't demolish the red carpet, alia usually pulls of most of her looks spectacularly.
over here though, it looks like her designer decided to try an origami frog with the curtains from the green room, got distracted by her eye make-up and abandoned the whole thing half way. 

ganapati bappi, more ya!

what has been said about bappi da's blinginess that hasn't been said before?
this blog has always been a fan of his since time immemorial.
this blog can never have enough of bappi da.
and as long as there is bappi da, there will never be a shortage of bling on this blog.

more ya, re, bappi, more ya, re!

who shot the shroff...i mean...sheriff?

i'm a straight shooter. there are a lot of people who can shoot from the hip. and i've got the holsters ready for them.
but how many people hip people can shoot in the first place? i'm the only one.
and you know what else i'm ready for? to take potshots.
i've got the pot. i call the shots. what do you have?

yeh bandana, this jaggu dada never fails to liven things up.

one flew over a butterfly's nest...

...to unravel a thousand unused rakhis after a poor raksha bandhan sale and be reborn as karisma's dress.

k.k: holla, wait up a sec. that is not...ok, fine, maybe it is what you're saying it is.

a.a.: huh? butterflies? on my dress?

the jury is still out on who is looking more cuckoo.

k.k.: me, me, pick me!

how to wax un-eloquently

dear raveena,
madame tussaud's called.
they want their statue back.

it's a bird. it's a bat. it's a cheetah. it's....

sure, that's a jean paul gaultier dress.
sure, that's sonam kapoor in it.
sure, there are bat wings in it.
sure, there are cheetahs hidden in the folds.
sure, she's going to flap her way out of this fiasco.
sure, it's probably got some folks going chee...

wait, that's it.
it's a chee-bat, that's what it is.

international integration

hair color from the western hemisphere: check.
authentic kerala mundu instead of petticoat: check.
splash guard cloth from paint studio (location unknown): check.
blouse made from checked towel from madras: check.

pyar se dar nahi lagta, sahib. fashion se lagta hai.

tinker, tailor, soldier, i spy

karan: "masterji, yeh kaisa suit hai?"

tailor master: "sirji, maaf karna, kapda thoda kam pad gaya."

k: "arey masterji, magar isme to collar bhi nahi hai. yeh kaise pehen loon main?"

masterji *desperately looking around *: "sirji, yeh madam ko curtain pehna do. sabki nazar unhi pe rahega aur koi nahi notice karega ki aap unke security guard nahi ho."

khana...err...fashion khazana

alyona: honey, remember we're going to walk the ramp. it's a fashion show. not a cooking show.

a little while later.

...

alyona: * trying hard not to facepalm * is that a channi you're wearing as a pendant?

sanjeev kapoor: i have a cooking show right after and the atta is waiting to be sifted. 

gucci gucci hota hai

chhodo kalki baatein, you might advise me.
but not when her couture is like this.
gucci it may be, but it's...let's see...

eat your sushi you should eat your sushi fresh
it's the picture of a thousand jellyfish
it's the freedom of a thousand pickled ginger pieces
baby eat your sushi fresh.
(in case you weren't already doing it, sung to the tune of mltr's paint my love)

sigh. the iifa awards are a gift that keep on giving.

count (me out) dracula

there once was a count

from the land of transylvania

who had a strange mount

with what looked like two large crania.

this gigantic arachnid, yes, it was a spider,

was a black and white tarantula.

one day, the count on the mount spied her

this strange version of himself, dracula.

and even though she didn't wear a bindi

he thought to speak up a bit in hindi.

"Pointy ears, pointy collars, black nails, yaani

arey, yeh to woh hai, model--kya naam hai--gupta, haan, sayani."

beswara bhaskar

oh swara, i know you were trying to hit the high notes with this outfit, but it feels so off-key in so many ways.

that ruffle now. what were you thinking? that you had just walked out of a downton abbey set?
and that lampshade--i'm not sure if ikea would carry that even if you sold it back to them on olx or some such site.

knowing you though, you probably gave yourself nil battey sannata for this number. hopefully.

slinky secrets

which came first, the slinky or the slinky dress?
i think the more important question is: how did karishma fit that slinky over her dress?
that's one incredible feat of flexibility.
i said flexibility, not fashion.
or maybe she slipped on multiple hula hoops...no, i think i'll stay with the slinky.

phoolan meets bappi da

this is 2017.
this was at the vogue beauty awards.
it must mean that anita shroff adajania knows something the rest of us bourgeois don't.
that phoolan (before her member of parliament-turned-buddhist avatar) and her sense of cutting edge style from the chambal ravines is very much still in vogue.
bappi da's immmortal penchant for the colors of el dorado are of course never going to go out of style.
i guess adajania is on to something here.

fashion by the flintstones. sheepish smile by shamita shetty.

it looks like something the whitewalkers might have dragged in.
or just something that scar from lion king left lying around after he was done with the shenzi, banzai and ed, the hyenas. we're just glad we don't have to smell it.

because it seems like shamita forgot the "great" in the old axiom "great fashion is timeless."

a fabric-ated tevar

varun: bhai, tu chal, picture ki screening hai aur photo op milega wahan.
arjun: dude, i don't have clothes.
v: bhai, chal idhar suiting ke kapdon ki dukaan hai, kuch toh mil jayega.

5 minutes later. arjun wearing a thaan of fabric like a really bad upper body sarong.

arjun kapoor for raymond.
the incomplete man.

check, please.

ayushmann to tahira: bae, let's play matching matching today.
tahira: done.
a: ok, let's take stock.

tablecloth saree: check.
checks that ran away from the saree and married the t-shirt: check.
chocolate donut earring: check.
glasses shaped like donut moulds: check.
sneakers: matching matching!

(i have to admit--despite all the tackiness--which, i love, beeteedubs--a & t are clearly having fun and don't seem like they give a damn who thinks what of their couture). 

aashiqeeeeeeeee 2

a leading ornithologist has confirmed our suspicions.

according to noted bird expert salman ali, birds show their displeasure on most occasions by p**ping on something or someone (not necessarily a statue--although, come to think of it, that might explain the constipated look on most bollywood stars' wax statues in madame tussaud's).

but on some rare occasions--such as a shraddha kapoor fashion faux pas--they have been known to walk first in red clay and then all over that...thing that caused the faux pas in the first place.

the jury is still out on whether salman ali is referring to shraddha kapoor or her dress as being the "thing" that the birds walked all over.

tapsee turvy

tapsee pannu: "ma, i'm heading out now. i'm going to be on a show with rajiv makhni."

tapsee's ma: "are you meeting him for lunch?"

tapsee: "yes, ma, but.."

tapsee's ma: "ok, wait, let me just tuck a napkin in your dress. you're wearing white, you don't want to spill anything on it."

tapsee: "ma!"

tapsee's ma: "let me tuck another napkin into your tummy..."

tapsee: "..."

tapsee's ma: "...and around your legs...just in case."

those legs are obliged to...no, they aren't. they are duty-free.

you know those fishnet thingies they put your bottles in when you buy them from the duty-free shop at the airport? who knew they had more than one purpose?

well, clearly, amrita arora did, didn't she?

ishtardust finds the resurrection stone

at the entrance to ravenclaw's common room, luna lovegood is asked this question:
"which came first, the phoenix or the flame?"

luna's wisdomous answer, of course, is:
"a circle has no beginning."

i'm going to take refuge in the same logic as this blog finds its sixth life.
and i'm reassured that no matter how much the gap between the lives, it does come back to life eventually.